PODCAST TRANSCRIPT
Welcome to the Light Her Project podcast,
Real Women.
Real Talk.
I'm Rachel Strella.
And I'm Vixen Divine.
Woohoo!
So, for anybody who's actually physically
watching us, you might first notice a few
things.
One, I have headphones.
First time for everything.
All right now.
All right.
Yeah.
So hopefully this cuts down any chirping
noise that you might be hearing that
despite everything that we try to edit
out.
All right.
So that's a great one.
You might also notice that we have a new
logo.
So we're upgrading our brand a little bit,
getting more sophisticated.
Love it.
Love it.
So, you know, how's your week going so far
Vixen?
Okay.
So my week is going fantastic.
Can I tell you why?
Can I tell you why?
No.
I don't want to hear any good news.
Of course, tell me.
I got great news.
OK.
So it's the little things they say, you
know, they talk about.
I ordered them.
I'll show you probably next time we
podcast.
But everyone knows, like, I love purple,
right?
Love lavender, purple, that sort of thing.
So one of the shopping networks, major
shopping, I forget which one.
Anyway, I'm up because I'm up at midnight.
I'm up at midnight and I just happened to
have it on.
I just unplanned.
They had mugs, like 40 ounce double
walled, like the heat stays in for eight
hours.
It stays cold for 24 hours, but purple and
lavender set.
I was like, what?
With the straw caps, like the whole deal.
I was like.
Oh my god, I have to have it.
It is a small things.
Like I swear to you, I understand.
I do.
Trust me.
I'm excited because it is warm out for a
change.
Like it has been cold.
It has been raining.
The sun has been out.
It's in the 70s.
This is unheard of.
I know, right?
Aside from that, my week has been kind of
odd.
Like, you know, as women, we have to go
and get screenings and things like that.
And yeah, the dreaded, you know, mammogram
came back not so great.
So I got to go get more scans.
So it's just that kind of stuff where it's
never ending cycle of things that like,
are just facts of life.
Yeah.
And you know what?
It's the thing.
It's the waiting.
It's the not knowing.
Like that is what gets you.
It's not that there's necessarily anything
wrong, because these things go weird all
the time, but it's the little tiny
percentage that maybe just a little bit
like that, it will get you.
It's Google that will really get you
because I never heard of my particular
issue, you know, and when I'm Googling it,
you know, and they did the study and
there's four to six times more likely to
have breast cancer.
Okay, I thought well that's interesting.
So not exactly a fun way to go but no.
We can get hit by a bus tomorrow.
Dr.
Google will get you every time.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Well, on to more positive things, or maybe
not, depending on our topic today.
So we plan to discuss the effect of social
media on our health and well -being.
So to kind of get ready for this
particular episode, I had us create a poll
that I sent out to a bunch of women just
to get kind of where they're at.
Okay.
So things like, you know, how often do you
compare your appearance to others on
social media?
Do you feel pressured to look a certain
way?
Things like that.
The results here weren't that surprising.
At the end of the day, I mean,
you're getting a lot of people that are in
that middle of the road thing where
they're feeling this often or sometimes.
Not so much like always.
And you do get some nevers.
But I would say the over over 50% are
often or sometimes on how they compare
themselves.
And the same goes for the pressure that
they feel to look a certain way because of
what they see on social media.
Did you say that was over 50%?
Over 50 with a combination of often or
sometimes.
Hmm, that's actually a little disturbing.
Yeah.
You know, that's telling me, hey, okay,
ladies, we got to work on this whole self
-esteem, self -positivity thing.
Okay, but we'll talk more about that
later.
No, we will.
And you know, one of the things is, you
know, do you ever feel anxious or stressed
while using social media?
58% sometimes.
So it's actually a little stressful.
Cyber bullying.
I was actually happy to see that the
experience of cyber bullying and negative
comments on social media and how they
impact their mental health.
Yeah, over 52% said never.
Oh, good.
That's really good.
There was like 37% that said rarely and
like a 10% that said sometimes, but not
an always or an often at all.
So that's really good.
Yeah, that's good.
And we were split four different ways on
how much, you know, they're spending time
on social media rather than engaging in
physical activities, you know.
What, you mean they're up at midnight?
Well, I mean, that's what I do.
I personally like,
I fall asleep on the couch a lot and then
I'll wake up I don't know what time
anytime between midnight and like 3am and
I can't get right back to sleep.
So it's time to scroll.
Yep.
Now I don't know what kind of physical
activity am I going to be doing at two o
'clock in the morning anyway, but I'm sure
I could find other ways and what's funny
because one of the questions is does
social media interrupt your sleep vast
majority says never.
But if they're like me, where they wake up
and then they're like, I can't get back to
sleep.
So I don't know if that interrupts it or
not.
That could be a couple of different ways
because did it interrupt your sleep or
while you're awake, while I'm here, well.
There's nothing here that was super, super
--I mean.
One other thing I'll say too is, one of
the questions was, do you feel like social
media has a positive or negative impact on
your life?
And 85% of people had a neutral response
to that.
So it was neither positive or negative.
Okay, so they basically take it or leave
it.
It's not super great, super negative.
Okay, well, okay.
At least it's not negative.
I mean, we had an opportunity
to ask some questions to, you know,
basically open answered stuff, you know,
like, you know, what would you like to add
about your experience?
And some of the things we've got was, you
know, overall, it's addicting.
It takes too much of my time.
It's a double edged sword, you know, it
can be interesting and annoying as well.
You know, it consumes too much of my head
space.
So there's, yeah, I mean, this is what
life is now.
Well, you know what though?
Here's the thing, it's unpredictable.
Like even though you have certain people
that you probably frequent in your social
media, you know, on your timeline, you
still don't know what's gonna come next.
So you can't predict that it's all gonna
be positive, you know, coming down the
line because you don't know what people
are writing and you don't know what's
gonna come in the next thing or.
So it could be bad or you could perceive
it as bad.
So you just don't know.
So it's unpredictable.
So you can't keep it all happy and gay and
woohoo, you know.
It's not an encyclopedia.
That's for sure.
Well, let's talk about our personal
experiences here.
I talked a little bit about my sleep.
You know, how is this affecting us and our
impact on health?
And what's funny is that,
This podcast started because of feedback
that I was getting when I posted about
plastic surgery that I had in 2018 .
You know, where I had like a million views
on the first video that I posted about it.
And I think that one of the things for me,
it's hard because I follow a lot of
reality TV people.
I love watching reality TV, it's a vice.
And you know, I'll see these ladies from
Siesta Key and I'm like, man, I want to
look like that.
Or I'll see the people from Jersey Shore
who've all had plastic surgery and they
look amazing, you know?
But it's sometimes hard to like not
compare yourself.
And so for me personally, just on the
physical aspect, there's not really a full
way to escape that.
There isn't a full way to escape that, but
I think it gets a little dicey when you
really want to be that.
I saw this woman, she was, she had had
surgery, if I'm not mistaken, but she
wanted to look like what Harry, Prince
Harry's wife, Meghan, Meghan Markle.
And she had had some, like, when you start
to change yourself to look like some, that
person that you wanna look like, like it's
different than you could say, oh, wait,
wait, wait.
I want the eyebrows like that she has, you
know, and you're working, you know, that's
different.
You know, you got that picture of her
brows and you're trying, like that's
different.
That's just kind of your, you know, like,
oh, I want that.
But when you get to that level, that's
obsessiveness that you're like, I have to
be, like, you don't want to be you
anymore.
Yeah.
That's different.
So I don't think it's bad to, cause as
women, you know, like I said, I'm the one
who go up,
hey girl, where'd you get that purse?
Those shoes look good on you.
Oh, where'd you get them?
You know, that sort of thing.
Oh, girl, you look good in that dress.
You know, I'm not afraid to say that, that
kind of thing.
So we're generally ones to talk about
things like that and find out and try, you
know, where'd you get that dress?
I'm trying it on too.
You know, try to be that, but we're not
trying to be her.
Right, right, right.
Understood.
So do you have any kind of personal
experiences?
From your perspective on how social media
has impacted your health and wellbeing?
It drives me nuts.
I'm just going to tell you, it drives me,
because I want it to be a certain way.
And because it's not that way, it drives
me nuts.
Because every time I think I have it
figured out, I don't.
And thank God for your company, Strella.
Because that really helped me for my
consistency because I felt it to me, it's
like a child who needs constant attention.
You know, without any thankfulness.
Yes.
No, working in this field, I get it.
And my perspective is obviously a little
different because of that.
I really don't want to be on social media
during the day because I have to work in
it.
You know, and that's kind of a funny
tidbit too.
Like there's been times where there's the
assumption that I'm on social media all
day.
And I'll have like, I've had people get
really mad at me because they might've
posted something that they assumed that I
saw and because I didn't comment on it or
I didn't reach out to them or react.
They were like, man, you're a bitch.
Like you knew I had that nose surgery and
you didn't even comment, you know, or say
anything to me.
I was like, what nose surgery?
I had no idea.
There was like this assumption that I'm on
there and I was just, yeah.
So let's talk about, you know, one of the
things that I think is interesting about
social media is our best selves is how we
really want to show up.
And I, I think that we don't want to show
up as like, you know, we've got pimples,
our hairs all over the place.
We're looking sloppy that day.
Um, now on Tik- Tok I'll say it's a little
different.
Like the vibe there is a little more real,
a little more like non polished, but
overall, like even people that are celebs
on Tik- Tok or like Tik- Tok stars, they
never look bad.
Even if they, they, they say that they
look bad.
Like you can't tell me they didn't put a
little makeup on before they did that.
So I think that we try to show up a
certain way on social media.
Um, and I think that that
can be what contributes to this feeling of
like, man, everybody else has this perfect
life, perfect look.
Well, you know, perfect is different for
everybody.
But I see what you're saying as far as the
expectation almost to be have that more
perfection side of you show up as opposed
to the jean girl.
You, it's your fault that I show up like
this.
I told you I would show up in a jeans and
t -shirt if you let me, but you don't let
me.
See Rachel, y 'all keeps me in check.
She really does.
And I know she is the business and I'm a
massage therapist.
I'm all about comfort.
I'm like, ooh.
I'm like, is there something fluffier I
can put on?
And Rachel's like, no, you cannot come in
your onesie.
And I'm like, oh man okay.
Okay.
So it's a matter of, and also about that
goes back also then to self -esteem
because like me, like, oh yeah, you best
believe I have a purple onesie.
Okay.
I have no doubt, but I will not like for
me, I'm good.
I will show up in that, but some people,
like you said, they will always show up
like this, because they feel like it's an
expectation and they don't feel confident
enough to be their comfortable selves.
Absolutely.
100% agree with that.
You know, so there's discussion about like
how the internet has changed.
You know, so one example that I got from
somebody on my team was like, in the past,
like hate comments were taken so
seriously.
You know, and they're personal.
But now it's actually kind of embarrassing
because the people who who actually like
made those comments, you know, are now the
ones that are like being called out and
they'll delete it.
So that's an interesting kind of change.
What do you think?
Well, I think it's more of a what it
depends on what they wrote in the first
place.
If they put the hate comments on, they're
like trying to embarrass someone else.
And this is generally what I see in this
respect.
They try to embarrass someone else, but
turns out that people are calling them out
for trying to be basically so perfect.
Like who, who the heck are you to say that
about someone else talking about how rude
they are.
There is a, what is his name?
Oh, I might have wrong.
There's an influencer.
He's in the workout space.
Like I could have this name wrong, but
it's like Johnny Swole or something.
He goes into gyms and he basically will
call you out for bad behavior in the gym.
And in some cases get you kicked out of
the gym because he'll send the video like
to the management of that establishment.
And a lot of times they'll be like
basically canceled because what they'll do
is they'll videotape somebody doing a
workout.
And as weird as it might be, they're doing
it for whatever purposes they're doing it
for, you know, their own, but the person
will talk about them, trying to embarrass
that person.
And then it comes, when he catches it, it
comes back to them as far as bad behavior.
And then they have consequences.
That's the one that comes to, comes to my
mind.
But I think that it's very serious and
people are trying to really think about it
now before they post that.
to make their, cause I'm not seeing as
many of them as I used to, because I think
people are realizing that this might
backfire.
Right.
I'll say like when I posted my video, the
first one about my plastic surgery, I had
hundreds of comments and there was
probably about a quarter to maybe a third
of them that were not really nice.
And what was great though was that the
community kind of came to my rescue.
Like if somebody really posted something
horrible, that wouldn't even necessarily
do with my video.
somebody would be like, that's like,
you're wrong.
Like, you know, I mean, they would, they'd
come to your defense for you.
And I don't know that we were that
evolved, you know, when the internet
started out, like everyone's just like,
gee, what do I even say?
You know what I post?
Well, it is a thing where I think people,
it used to be just kind of the bad
behavior coming out, but now actually I
think people are beginning to speak up,
you know, not letting the bad behavior
stand more as they were letting it stand
before.
And some of it still does, but now I'm
noticing that they are basically, like you
said, coming and jumping in, giving their
two cents as not letting it all be bad.
Right.
I agree with that.
Making you justify your comments.
Yeah.
So we've been around before, you know, the
internet was around.
Like somebody on my team said, I'd love to
know, you know, their thoughts about, you
know, before and after, because she's only
ever had the internet most of her life.
And so like that shaped her views of
feminism.
So compare life as a woman before, you
know, and during the internet.
What does someone say we're older than
Google?
Which sounds really old, but we are.
Yeah.
But before the Internet, yes, you did not
have all these other women which you would
never meet.
You would never see.
You would never run into.
You did not have them to compare yourself
with.
So all you had
were the people in your classroom or the
people in your block, people at the
grocery store, you know, in your
community, or if you travel, those people
to compare yourself with.
So it was a much smaller and, and they
didn't, and if you didn't take a picture
of them, you really didn't necessarily
really a hundred percent remember what
they look like, you know.
But now you can just snap that picture and
just
post it into your photographs and like
look at it all the time.
And which is not good.
It's just not good.
So it was more of a freedom.
I feel like it was more of a freedom.
And even if you compared yourself to Susie
down the street, you kind of didn't
because likelihood is you didn't have her
plastered on your wall.
You know, I was one of the late comers
with the internet.
I don't think I got it to like, about my
senior year.
So what did I do?
Like I read magazines, you know, like, I
don't know if anybody remembers YM
magazine, like that was like, that was
like the young and modern, like, that was
like the cool magazine that you read when
you were 13 if you're a real grown up, you
know, so like, that was what I compared
myself to, because I didn't even feel
like these were real people, because
they're not people I would see every day.
You know, it would be like, that's the
standard, but.
I didn't feel like it was anything I
necessarily had to be held to.
It's ironic that I say that because I look
at these reality TV stars all day on
social media and I'm like, man, I wish I
kind of looked like that.
Well, the difference too is in a magazine,
remember when we used to like cut the
pictures out of the magazine and paste
them on your wall?
Oh yeah.
But you knew they were celebrities.
Like they were celebrities and famous
people.
Like you knew those weren't, that wasn't
Suzy down the street.
Right.
So you understood, but now they're taken
with the persona that we're giving off on
the internet of thinking that Susie down
the street really looks like that.
We're taking that freeze frame snapshot of
Susie and putting that in our pictures and
trying to be that because Susie down the
street seems to look like that.
But guess what?
When you see her in person, she really
doesn't look like that.
Or even the fact that like,
reality TV stars weren't stars 30 years
ago.
You know, they were just regular people
and how now they've become idolized and
they're celebrities.
That's true.
We didn't used to view people for really
no reason at all.
That's essentially what it is, right?
You know...
It used to be.
The reality is that's true.
I mean, okay.
Say yes to the dress, for instance.
All right.
Say yes to the dress.
Yes, it was an event.
If you went bridal shopping for your dress
with your mom, with your sister, and no
one else really cared about it.
Right.
Right.
Yeah, that's right.
That's a there is a huge involvement all
around from like the way that we're
entertained to like the social media
aspect of that like this just it's just
way different but for a lot of people they
don't know anything different now, you
know, even now even though I've spent half
of my life without the internet and half
of my life with it.
I don't know what my life was even like
back then like I'm so this is life now.
Yeah.
That's true.
So I don't think that I mean, as a
comparison.
Back then and to now, I think it was a
more intimate experience.
The life was actually a more intimate
experience than now it's spread out not
only in your community, but it is spread
out throughout actually the world.
Your life can, you can reach someone being
in the United States, you can easily reach
someone in India.
Like with no, with just, what is it?
WhatsApp.
Right?
It's pretty crazy.
Yes.
So we don't, in our podcast, we don't get
into like people that are experts or
anything like that here.
But I will say that one podcast came to my
attention.
It was a podcast by Brene Brown and she
interviewed Dr.
William Brady.
And the whole topic was about social media
outrage and polarization, which is
obviously kind of a great topic right now
as we're entering another presidential
election season.
Yeah.
And what he broke down was kind of
complicated.
But the way he broke it down was simple.
And the simplified version of this is
this.
Like, when we post something online, and
you get likes or comments, you know,
that's quantifiable for us.
And it's actually something that gives us
a social reward.
It's like, it's like Pavlov, the dog and
bells way I kind of say it, you know, you
get this reward
because of the audience reaction.
And that can actually, that's what can
cause like moral outrage because it can
get amplified really easily.
And the social media algorithms, they
amplify the stuff that's getting that
traction.
So the thing that got, that really got to
me was that he said that the things that
we do, you know, we're very sensitive to
whether we're getting these likes or not,
you know?
And if you're someone,
who has low self -esteem, for example,
your ego is like fragile.
So, you know, there's research that if
you're sensitive, you're more sensitive to
this social reward that comes with the
platforms and you're the more insecure you
are, the more susceptible to that social
reward.
So that's a generally pretty negative
thing is that we're expecting that reward
for whatever we're posting.
It's true, absolutely true.
Working with people with low self
-confidence, that is a sign, that is true
in the respect where some people need,
it's almost feeding their attention.
They need attention.
Some people, and so that's why you see
the, don't talk about me, but this is why
you see these people.
Like every five minutes, I swear they are.
They need that social love.
And they are waiting.
They are waiting for you to say, oh, that
looks good.
Oh, blah, blah, blah.
You know, and then, and if they don't get
it, they, they feel really bad and they
try and I'm noticing this.
If they don't get it, they start taking
clothes, their clothes off because they're
looking for any kind of self
esteem any kind any kind of boost from
anywhere they can get it right and so if
they're not getting it from...
You know what they say sex sells sex sells
so true and so they're getting it from
that and they're like, oh well I'll keep
doing this because this is giving me
gratification.
Yes!
And that's and a lot of times we can get
into it.
But a lot of times that comes all that
goes all the way back literally from
how you were raised and what you were
raised, the positivity or not that you
were raised with.
Absolutely.
Well, before we end the podcast, one more
quick question for us, I think, is if we
could think of a positive or uplifting
experience that we've encountered on
social media as it relates to women.
So for me, one of the things I'll say
overall is that like,
when somebody posts about something that's
heartfelt, the community does come to your
rescue.
And that could be man, woman, it doesn't
matter.
There's a death in the family.
There's something that you're struggling
with.
I find that and I think that's one of the
best uses of social media.
But one thing that sticks out in my mind
is I have a friend who's amazing.
I think she's amazing.
She's got a PhD.
She was the top of her company.
She now owns her own business.
But she's just dislikes how she looks, you
know, and she posted on social media, you
know, because she was at the beach and she
was like, I really don't even want to show
my tummy, you know.
And everybody was like, Oh, my God, girl,
you are so beautiful.
Like, why would you even say that?
You know, and this is somebody who is like
a generally thin person.
But these are the things that we feel in
our head, you know, we don't like about
ourselves.
Yep.
And it was great to literally see over a
hundred comments of people saying, you
know, don't think that way.
Like you look great and we love you.
That is a really good thing, but that
happens to us all the time.
We are our own worst critics.
No lie.
No lie.
How many times has someone come to me and
I'm doing a facial and they're like, right
here, right here.
And I'm looking at...
I can get the magnifying glass.
I'm like, I don't see it.
I'm like, okay.
But they see it every single time that
they look in the mirror because we are our
own worst critics and we are the hardest
on ourselves.
And honestly, it's what, stop the
magnifying glasses.
Like people don't walk up to you on a
regular basis with a magnifying glass.
Stop doing this to yourself in the mirror.
It's just not necessary.
It's, but we are, because of that, it goes
back to that validation.
But as far as having good positive things
that happen on social media, my good
positive social media thing, I think that
I've ever had has to be...
Family.
The fact that I can share things about my
autistic daughter.
And even though she doesn't really realize
what it is, like they seem to really, you
know, back her up, go Taylor, you know,
good things.
And she smiles about it.
And even though she doesn't really know a
whole lot about it, but you know, she just
likes it because, you know, grandma said
it or
Uncle Mike said it or, you know, that kind
of thing.
So she really likes that.
So family, I think is the best thing.
Honestly, though, I can give it, I can
give it or take it, leave it, whatever.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, I understand.
I totally do.
Well, this has been really great.
And I'd love to hear from the audience .
Leave us a comment about a positive or
uplifting experience you've had on social
media.
That would be a really great way to kind
of keep this community going.
Well, I want to thank everybody for tuning
into the Light Her Project podcast.
I hope you like our new look.
You can follow the conversation online
with our hashtag.
And in the meantime, keep it real.
Real women.
With Real Talk.
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