The Risks of Neglecting Self-Care!


Welcome to the Light Her Project Podcast,

Real Women.

I'm Rachel Strella.

And I'm Vixen Divine.

Welcome, welcome.

So we're on episode five.

This is amazing.

Season two.

Let's check in, you know, how's your week

going so far?

Well, I'll tell you, I have had a

fantastic week as normal, but a little bit


See, I got early Mother's Day presents.

So I think they kind of had to ask for

this, what I wanted.

So I got two things, one from my son.

I got the Dyson Airwrap hair styler.



I got an ice cream maker.

I know that may not seem, but this is like

the, what is it?

Ninja 11 in 1, you know, it makes these

fancy coffee drinks and it makes gelato

and ice cream and like so many experiments

to be had.

Oh boy.

Well call me when it's done, I'll come

over and I'll have some.


Taste testing, taste testing.

Well that sounds wonderful.

My mom just got her Mother's Day gift from

me today.

So yeah, it's that tis season.

Happy early Mother's Day.

Yeah, about that time, thanks.

My life's going great, by the way.

Normally, you know, there's always like

doom gloom over here, but, you know, I

always try to do something with


And as you know, you know, I had that that

scare with breast cancer and I decided to

write about it on my blog.

It's a very comprehensive piece and you

know, it might be a little controversial

to some, but I've gotten really, really

great feedback about it and hundreds of

people have read it and are still reading


So I think it's going to help a lot of

women and that's important to me.

It is.

I mean, it's a lot of people have strong

feelings about it, you know.

Yay or nay, they just had super

experiences and they're so glad they did


And some people are like, why am I ever

doing this thing?

You know, so yeah, people have strong

feelings about it.

So I think it will help people.


Hey, I'm excited.

I'm-- writing is my thing.

It's my jam.

So I'm excited.

All right.

Well, today's topic is all about self


And we're really going to touch on to like

the risks of well neglecting that self

care and what that looks like.

So this topic seems right up your alley,


Love it.

So we're really gonna unpack that but

we'll start out with a little activity

which has been going well for us at the

beginning of these episodes.

So we both took a quiz from the Blissful


So the and this is

about a three minute quiz and it asks

seven questions.

It's so simple.

So I highly recommend just trying it out

if you're curious about...

kind of your self -care regimen and what

that could look like.

So for me, my results, well, it wasn't

anything I didn't expect.

I could use a little bit more of physical

self -care.

So with that, you know, the exercise, the

sleep, and that's not surprising to me.

I like massages, you know, I like...

anything I can do to make myself feel


Now that's a little passive, you know, if

I actually have to eat greens and sleep

eight hours, a little harder for me.

So I think it was kind of spot on.

What about, what about you Vixen?

I'm a junkie as far as information.

I'm a junkie for information.

So mine actually said I needed more mental

self -care because I do like the

meditating, the journaling, the watching

Ted Talks, the nonfiction books, you know,

reading, like that kind of thing.

I am a mental junkie.

Like I would rather take a course.

than to watch TV.

Just information, information,


So this was right where I, it would, more




No, no, I'm not going to do.

I'm not even going to volunteer to do


If I'm running, it's because something's

chasing me.

Understand that, OK?

That's the only reason that's happening.

So, yeah, information that was where and

that that's right where I want to be like

the mental.

I can do that all day long.

Forget vacation.

I can sit down and read a book and I'm

doing in the backyard.

I'm doing good.

So you felt like it was a fair assessment.


Well, I totally encourage everyone to try

it out.

And one of the cool things too is it gives

you specific self -care ideas.

Like it says for me, eating meals at

regular times, drinking more water, you

know, going for a walk daily, stuff like


So it gives you a couple of tips.

It even gives you like a playlist for

relaxation and stuff.

So kind of cool.

All right.


Um, let's just kind of dive into this

topic a little bit.

You know, Vixen, you're probably the best

person to really talk about what exactly

self care is.

Self -care, I think when people think of

self -care, they always think of, okay,

self -care, they gotta go to the spa, they

gotta put cucumbers on their eyes.

Now, don't get me wrong, that is an aspect

of self -care, but that is not all that it


What self -care really is, is something to

bring you mentally and physically down

back to homeostasis.

And homeostasis means when your body is in

exactly the way it's supposed to be.

And now, at least in the United States and

the regular, most people, I don't mean if

you like live on a farm or something, but

most average people are living with high

stress on a daily basis.

Gotta go, gotta go, gotta get done, da da

da da da da da like.

And that not is their, like you said your


That is not their jam.

They are there because they have to be.

So bringing it back down to a relaxing

pinpoint for them, however it is, like you

said, yours is, well, mine is reading a

book, you know, just mental, yours is

physical, whatever it is, bringing it back

for you and it has to be enjoyable for


Like I said, the exercise is not going to

be enjoyable for me.

So whatever it is, it has to be enjoyable

for you or else you won't do it.

But yeah, so bringing yourself back to

homeostasis, that is what self -care is.

So there's different forms of that.

And then we'll talk about that in a little


Yeah, that's really interesting because,

you know, I was doing some research just

trying to figure out, okay, so what are

the different factors?

I mean, you just mentioned like mental and


I saw as little as four and as many as

like eight or nine different factors that

come into this whole self -care thing.

I mean, from emotional, physical,

financial, environmental, intellectual,

social, occupational.

So there's like so many things here.

So, you know, are you thinking that self

-care is primarily summed up in sort of

the mental and physical, if you had to

like categorize it?

I do because the reason is because the

stress level, for instance, you're in

financial woes, right?

If you're in financial woes, then you

probably have stress, elevated your stress


If you didn't have that, you would be more

in homeostasis.

So that is causing like a cause of the


Okay, that makes sense.

Contributes to it, absolutely.

as opposed to it being its own thing, it's

really not its own thing.

It contributes to other things.

So that's where, yeah, those aspects come

into play, but they all trickle into those

couple of things.

All that makes sense.

Okay, I totally agree with you there.

You know, it's funny because, so I've been

having pain for about 15 months now


despite everything that I've tried to do,

they have not fully identified the source

of the pain.

Pain management doctors, neurosurgeons,

orthopedic surgeons, PTs, now I'm in


What's going on?

Like, why can't we figure out what's the

source of the pain?

And so we have a theory that it could be

something called the psoas muscle.

And what's really interesting about that

muscle is that...

Um, that muscle takes the brunt of

emotional and mental, um, anguish, you

know, cause it has to release somewhere.

If you're in stress mode all the time,

it's like fight or flight.

Like your body goes through a whole

process of fight or flight.

And then what happens, you know, once

you've calmed down.

And so that muscle almost kind of takes

that brunt of it.

And I totally believe that's me.

I've had so many stressful instances the

past few years that it would, that it just

makes sense.

But it's amazing how much that mental

affects that physical aspect, like

something that really truly like direct

effects that you're not just like, oh, my

stomach hurts because I don't I'm upset.

But like.


That's why when you're having, when you

have a bad environment, like you hate your

job, for instance, say you hate your job

and you're know you're about, say you

clock in at 8 a.m.

That's by 7 a.m.

Sometimes if you really hate your job, you

can be physically sick.

You can really not feel well, just the

anxiety of knowing that you are going to

that job.

And it will physically manifest in you.

And that's why I said it really comes,

whatever the factors are, it really comes

into and trickles into those two factors.

That makes sense.

Totally does.

I mean, I've always believed in that mind

-body connection, but it's very real.

Well, let's talk about how we can actually

achieve self -care.

I mean, obviously, you know, knowledge is

power and awareness of certain aspects

that are a deficit are important.

What else do you think we could be doing

to achieve this homeostasis and self -care


Well, here's the thing.

I think people try to piece it together.

You can achieve self -care, but not in


It is like we talk about trickling into


People will try, OK, well, they don't like

their job, so they get a new job, right?

But then their finances are stressed.

So you got a new job, which helps,

obviously, in your situation.

But then,

you know, you still don't make enough

money or you're paying something out

that's, you know, your car costs too much

or whatever the case is.

So there's still stress there who's

bringing it together.

So you can't piece it.

If you're going to get treated or you're

going to try to get yourself into

homeostasis, you have to honestly evaluate

the whole you.

And find out your sources, because it's

going to be more than one.

Your sources of where you're not in


Mm -hmm.

Makes total sense.


So let's talk about our favorite, you

know, self -care kind of routines or

things that we do.

I know I personally, I love massages.

It's that passive relaxation and I'm a

tense person and I'm an intense person so

that goes right to my shoulders and neck.

I have an at -home sauna, which I use at

least 3 or 4 times a week, and I love that

because just sometimes you just feel good

sweating and I'm like you, I mean, I

exercise, but it's not my favorite thing.

Like gives me that feeling like I did

something by just sitting there.

What about you?

sitting there, huh?


I'm going to work on something that, you

know, I heard about this thing called lazy


Did you ever hear about it?

Did you ever hear about it?

Okay, so I haven't tried it yet.

I'll keep you up to date on that.

But I'm like lazy yoga.

Okay, this is interesting to me.

The fact that it's lazy in front of it.

Okay, that's something for me.


What I currently like to do for self -care

is it gives me actually a pick -me -up if

I do my skincare.

If I do my skincare, it gives me a pick

-me -up because I can see the difference

before and after.

I love to see that and I love to create


I love to be on the computer and create a

PDF, create a...

website create, although as intense

because I'm not the best at it, as intense

it is for me.

I just love to me, I would I'd much rather

do that for me that getting something

done, getting something accomplished is

like for me self care.

I got it done.

I did it.

And for me, that's a mental win.

Yeah, yeah, I mean, I definitely agree

with that.

And that was actually one of the questions

that they asked on that quiz.

You know, what, like, what gives you the

most satisfaction?

And it could be a myriad of things.

One of them was like, you know,

accomplishing something on your to do


So I'll agree with that.

But I find like, especially in my job, I

go down five different rabbit holes for

every one project that I try to


And sometimes it's like, by the time I'm

finally done with that project,

I'm wiped.

So that sense of accomplishment kind of

like goes out the window.

Okay, okay.

I started recognizing rabbit holes.

I started recognizing rabbit holes and I

just about halfway down the hole I say,

okay, I see I'm in a rabbit hole here and

I back out.

I have learned to back out.


I don't always have that opportunity, but

I get what you're saying.

Sometimes you can really go too far down

that rabbit hole and then you're like,

wait a minute, I don't know how to get


Well here's the thing I start and I want

to create a home page for my website but

suddenly I'm creating a PDF on how to do

you know one thing that was one aspect of

the website that I didn't even it I'm like


Okay, so I never got that done, the home

page done, but I got something completely

different that I didn't even know I


Yep, tends to happen.

This is why I let people do all that stuff

for me, because I'll overthink it.

Now, I will say I do that with writing,

and writing is an outlet for me.

It's a huge outlet, but it also can create

anxiety because I, when you're, if you're

a writer, you know that every word like

matters and I feel like every word, like

it's a permanent thing, writing.

you know, there's a permanency to it.

So like every word has to be perfect, you

know, so I can easily spend what I

intended, maybe two hours on a post, like

20 hours later, you know, overanalyzing

one part of it.

But hey you know it's an outlet like I

still think there are you know things that

are like painting or whatever it is that

is kind of enjoyable but can also be

something that is just a creative outlet

for you that can be self -care.

It can!

Creativity can totally bring your mind


It can bring you, it can take you,

especially if you are that, you're not

just creating something, you are actually

a creative person.

It can actually bring that spirit out of

you and it can be such a calm and such a

relaxation for someone to do that if

that's their thing.

That's their thing totally.

I own the fact that I love coloring and

I'm 43, but I love, if you give me a

coloring book and crayons, I'll go to


I like coloring, it's an outlet for me.

It's like something I can do and I feel


I don't know why.

You know what?

I like that creativity.

I like calligraphy.

I like the calligraphy.

I think that's so creative and I, but it

actually gives me anxiety to do it.

So no, not even that.

What it is is if I'm doing something like

calligraphy or coloring or something like


as creative and as beautiful as it is, the

anxiety is where I feel like I'm wasting

my time and I could be doing something


I could see that as somebody who's like a

chronic overachiever.

When I do things that are more of a hobby,

you almost sometimes could feel like

guilty like should I be doing something

like a little more productive, but you got

to remember that is productive.

You need an outlet like you need that, you


Hence why I say, you know, it's the mental

self care.

That's why I can totally relax.

Even though it seems like work to be

learning that new thing, I really feel at

peace and accomplished in learning that

new thing.

Hmm, I could see that.



You know, self -care, man, I know that I

feel women struggle with it more than men,

but before we even go down that rabbit

hole, you know, let's talk about what

happens when you don't engage in self


What do you think, Vixen?

When you do not oh so this means okay let

me tell you what that means when you don't

engage in self -care what that means is

you are doing things continuously and

continuously and over and over that don't

serve you they don't serve you it gives

you anxiety it is something that you

probably have to do for other people.

And you're not doing for yourself.

So yourself, you are in a constant state

of woe.

So you haven't taken the time to stop.

You haven't taken the time to be at peace

with yourself, no matter how, whatever

your form is, you haven't taken that time.

Now, physically, remember we talked

earlier about that physical, how it shows


You can actually make yourself physically


You can act, you actually can.

I've seen this in the nursing aspect of my


You can, and people see it as that

syndrome that doesn't exist.

When people say, oh, I'm in pain, but

nothing, you don't see anything.

It doesn't show up on anything.

It doesn't show.

They can feel it, but it really doesn't.

physically exist until you make it exist.

Because there was your body does its best

to make you feel good to keep you in

check, but it can only go so far.

And once you keep doing it over and over

and over again, it just can't hold it


So that so physical is a big aspect.

And then there's the mental.

There is the mental breakdown to where,

not necessarily complete breakdown, but to

where you get to the point when you just

can't take it anymore.

And that's when people, they just shut the

world out.

Sometimes they will have depression.

Sometimes they will have, because they

just can't.

It's just they can't.

And people are at them.

I need this, I need that, can you do this,

can you do that?

And they can't say no and then when they

finally get too much that's where the

mental aspect comes in.

So if you do a little bit, even if you do

a little bit of self -care, start


It'll take some weight off of your brain

and off of your body.

Yeah, I totally see that.

As somebody like I said as an


You know, when I actually get through my

list of whatever it is I'm supposed to be

doing, I'm like, what else should I be


You know, sometimes you just need to know

when to let your foot off the gas and take

that break, you know, and step away.

Stepping away is important.

Yeah, yeah, I really like that the books,

the effortless and those types of books

because one of the quotes that he says in

those books are, do not do more today than

you can fully recover from by tomorrow.

That should be on every overachiever's

like screensaver because it's so easy for

you to be like, what else can I get done

and get ahead of tomorrow?


And that's.

don't think people, it's an awareness.

I really think it's an awareness.

And it's not till you hit rock bottom or

something happens that it's too much that

you actually address it.

Yeah, if you are an overachiever, a go,

go, go, go, go person, then you will just

keep going and suck it up.

And you think, you know, later, later,

later, and you will hit bottom.

But I am encouraging all those people who

are listening, who, if you're that person,

understand that you haven't hit rock

bottom yet, but don't wait till you do.

It's so much easier

to do one or two, you know, 15 minutes of

something, then when you hit that rock

bottom and you are at that capacity, it's

harder to get out of that.

And sometimes, honestly, sometimes, you

know, those are places where we don't want

to be.

We're talking depression, we're talking

suicide, we're talking really mental


That's not somewhere that you really want

to be.



And when you figure it out too late, like,

you're kind of beyond, I mean, that's just

not a place that you can come back from


So, I mean, let's face it, we think, I

think that women obviously probably take

on a lot more as far as what they take on

in day -to -day life.

And they tend to put themselves last, you


So I think that there's neglect there


So, what do you think we can do to get the

ladies to like start being more aware of

this and take care of themselves a little

bit more?

Well, a lot of times we're taught that.

We are taught to take care of other


And then there's the motherly instinct

where you take care of other people and

then they're grown, but you're still

taking care of other people.

So it is something that...

You have to recognize it is a physical

awareness as you spoke of awareness that

of what you're doing because just to look

at it you don't recognize it as a bad

thing because there in most societies this

is how it's taught.

So this is very accepted and in some cases

you just don't even say anything you you

are not supposed to talk about you if

something is wrong with you.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

That is not acceptable.



So you have to take a stand.

You have to understand, even if it's a

silent stand and you go into your room for

15 minutes or you just, I mean, if they

notice that you disappear for 15 minutes,

there's an issue anyway.

You know, you should be able to go in some

space for 15 minutes.

and do something that you like.


You know, what prompted me to even talk

about this whole episode topic was Lindsay

Lohan randomly popped up on my feed on

YouTube and I like fall asleep on the


I wake up in the middle of the night.

I can't get back to sleep when I go

upstairs to bed.

So I'm scrolling and I'm like, wow, I

haven't heard that name in a while.

And so I started to like, you know, follow

that rabbit hole to find out that like,

you know, she's back, you know, and back

in front of the camera and back in


She took a long break there.

But if you think about what you remembered

of Lindsay Lohan, probably wasn't the best


It was DUIs and fights and drama.

And she totally turned her life around and

she struggled with sobriety and she's been

in recovery, but she's healthy.

And she's had a baby not too long ago.

But what I was interested in me was I last

Sunday, I was on Instagram.

I started following her on Instagram.

And she was like, you know, Sunday self

care, you know, tips, journaling and read

a book and yoga.

And I'm like, who are you?

What happened to you?

This is interesting.

And it was actually refreshing.

So I've been following her, been

interested in what she's saying, always an

advocate for people who have turned their

life around in some aspects and have come

to the other side to tell other people

their story and help other people.

And I think that I never would have said

20 years ago that I think that, you know,

Lindsay Lohan is an inspiration, but I do

think she,

She is and I mean not even like just

10 years ago I wouldn't have said that you

know but I she's definitely turned a new


I think she's an example.

She's an example.

Remember we talked about hitting rock


Mm -hmm.


That if you think about her story, if

anyone recalls, and if you don't

understand what we're talking about, feel

free to Google this.

But she was at rock bottom to the point

people didn't want to work with her.

She wasn't showing up.

You didn't get a lot worse than that, how

she was.

So the fact that she was able to, and I'm

sure with help.

that she was able to turn her life around

is something definitely inspirational.

But one thing to note is as lay regular

people, we don't always have that same

type of help that, you know, the people

around us.

So it is important that you find one or

two people or.

For me, I'd probably find an online coach

or something.

But someone, in some way, to help you get

through it, recognize wherever you are.

And if it's not a good place, recognize

where you are and get some help here.

Don't wait till the end.

And there's different levels of help.

It may be something as small as a course,

like an online course for $30.


It could be as much as you know, a

thousand dollars a month for you know, the

best online coach or whatever you can

whatever you can do in the middle there.

But it's don't wait till you get to

Lindsay Lohan status.

Because she had help getting back, I can

assure you and it wasn't the $30 course.

No, no, absolutely.

You know, and a lot of these celebrities

that have done that, they have had that

support, you know, both with people in

their lives, but also financially and


So, you know, first thing is recognizing

it and then not being afraid to ask for

help, whatever that looks like.

Yeah, absolutely.

want to get out of bed this morning.

I had a bad day yesterday.

And you know what?

Vixen says, I'll give you one hour.

And then you gotta get up.

I said, all right, I'm gonna hydrate and


But sometimes you just need somebody to be

like, you're allowed to have a, you're

allowed to have a pity party for yourself

for an hour and then you gotta get back on

the horse.

All right.

Well, this was a great topic and you know,

thanks to everybody for tuning in to the

Light Her Project podcast.

As always, you could follow our

conversation online with the hashtag.

In the meantime, keep it real.

Real women.


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