Introvert vs. Extrovert: Does It Really Matter?

PODCAST TRANSCRIPT

Welcome to season two of the Light Her

Project podcast, Real Women.

Real talk.

I'm Rachel Strella.

and I'm Vixen Divine.

Welcome back to the new season.

This season we are actually really excited

because we're going to be a little bit more bold.

Vixen and I, you know, we're really just

testing how this whole podcast thing would

work out, you know, and we loved it and I

think we got some great feedback and now

we realize we really want to speak our

truth even more.

So one of the things that I love about

Vixen and I is we have different

viewpoints about, well, pretty much

everything, but we're respectful of each

other, you know, and I hope that our truth

and our variety will resonate with all of our listeners.

We’re like the odd couple.

Yes, we are.

We really are.

But hey, we got something you can't

emulate.

Right, it works.

Well, we're going to dive into a little

bit of a different topic today.

We're going to talk about the depths of

personalities and more along lines of like

introverts versus extroverts.

Because like I said, Vixen and I are very

different.

So just for fun, you know, how does an

extrovert introduce themselves to an introvert?

Extrovert says, hey, let's hang out

sometime.

Introvert.

Sure, I'll text you.

Exactly.

It's so true.

We're like, hey, I just got here.

Anybody want to play?

Yeah, um, hey, the world needs different

people.

So I've got some great jokes that I found

yesterday.

Well, I'm glad that we were able to find

some things.

We found a lot of things on, you know, Dr. Google,

I like to call it Dr. Google.

Because Dr. Google knows like there's an authority on

everything, right?

Yep!

I find out every health ailment, which I

probably shouldn't.

Oh well, so all kidding aside, we'll talk

about these differences a little bit.

So this is like a fun sort of precursor to

the podcast, Vixen and I took a personality test.

We took it separately and well, I thought

we'd share our results.

You may or may not be surprised.

So as far as my personality test, I was

found as a logistician, fact-minded,

reliability cannot be doubted.

Okay, I'm 73% introverted, which...

That makes sense because I'm a situational

extrovert, you know, I can, I can come out

of my shell when I'm, you know, if I've

had a cocktail, I'm in the right environment.

So I totally, totally believe that.

What about you Vixen?

What did you find out?

You come out of your shell when you think it's

safe, like really, is really what it is.

I came out with, yes, I am an extrovert,

no surprise to anyone.

But I came out, my personality was called

the debater.

Quick witted.

And you know what, this was what I found

curious.

There are two different types.

There's the A and the B.

And that's the A is assertive.

And I noticed this, this is a thing where,

and I thought about it.

When you have someone who's an extrovert,

there's one of two types of extroverts.

There's the one who's like, oh god, here

comes Vixen.

She's going to be loud and boisterous and

oh my god, she's going to just, ugh.

Or the person who's also an extrovert, but

really just keeps it at conversational level.

And you know that life of the party that's

really annoying?

That's really loud and annoying, that's

also an extrovert, but that's a different

type of extrovert than I am.

So I didn't realize there were two types.

And I know both and the the former is the

one where you really have to take them small doses

Yes.

But I am an introvert, like just almost

half the time, like 39 % of the time actually.

Okay.

So you actually have a little bit more of

the other quality than I do.

So like I'm, mine was like 73,27 .

So that's interesting.

But you don't come off to me as like the

loud party type.

Yeah, so yeah, there's a lot of other

really interesting stuff in here.

But one thing that Vixen actually

called

to my attention was the celebrities that

kind of match up with so Vixen.

At first she told me Weird Al Jankovic,

okay, and I thought well I guess it kind

of makes sense but didn't she say Celine

Dion?

Well, here's the thing about her.

She is like when Renee died, her husband,

she wasn't afraid to come out and speak about it.

And think of her fashion sense.

Like she'll dress, like we'll look at her

like she's crazy, but she's like, I'm wearing it.

You ever see her?

Like she is like that.

But I'm going to say she's that reserved

type.

Like she's an A like me.

She’s... I don’t think she’s loud and

boisterous like that type of assertive.

Right.

Right.

That makes sense.

And there are some other ones that are like more

well known, you know, like Tom Hanks,

Like, not some celebrities that almost

everybody knows or has heard of.

Well here's somebody I didn't, I wouldn't have

thought was necessarily an extrovert.

Muhammad Ali, everyone knows him, but

I'm thinking that he's the other one, the loud and boisterous one.

He's an extrovert as well, but I'm

thinking he's the other type of extrovert.

Funny how that is.

Well, we don't know them.

We feel like we know them because we see

them on TV or whatever, but don't know them.

So that's what's great because sometimes

it could be just in character.

I actually met him one time,

Muhammad Ali.

Okay.

It was not a pleasant experience, I'll just

say that.

And he was drunk and he was loud and yeah,

it was in a restaurant.

So he had already had, I think drinks

before I got there.

So it wasn't necessarily the best, but

like I said, he wasn't getting fight

ready, you know, or anything at this point.

You know so. He’s doing his thing, you know

everybody gets to do their thing.

But I could definitely see how that,

other side of personality came out.

I could see that yeah. I mean, if you're a little too far over

the edge, you just flip over to that other

personality is kind of like, you know,

just a flop when you've had that last

drink that was probably the last one you

shouldn't have had.

Well, as far as my celebs, Sting, and I

mean, I heard his music and stuff, but I

don't really know anything about his

personality.

Denzel Washington, and Natalie Portman.

It's funny, I was telling Amy, my EVP about

my celeb matchups yesterday, and she's like,

Oh I can totally see the Natalie

Portman thing.

I mean, I am who I am.

Denzel Washington though, I did not see that

coming for an introvert.

I didn't see it coming.

I mean, I know he's not out in the

spotlight.

He's not loud like he plays his parts

and that sort of thing, but I just didn't

see that coming.

I don't know, he kind of always seems a

little more reserved.

So, hmm, I don't know.

It's just funny, like I said, you see

people on TV, they're a character, you

know, so you don't really know, though.

The real them.

So that’s kind of interesting.

I thought that was a lot of fun.

While we're thinking about celebs who are

like one personality or the other.

So kind of surprised or not surprised.

So introverts.

We have Bill Gates, Elon Musk.

That...that’s interesting.

I can see that though.

I think if I'm not mistaken, I think he's

at least a bit autistic.

And the way I understand, like that's what

Dr. Google says.

So that makes it true.

Okay.

Google knows all.

So that's where I heard it.

So.

There's Lady Gaga too.

She's an introvert.

Which, you wouldn't think so when you see

her on stage, but when I've seen her in

other things, like I could tell, you know.

Okay.

And no surprise here like Julia Roberts,

you know, I kind of feel like that

she's also more on the reserved sort of

side. What about you?

What celebs match up with you?

Are you surprised?

Oh, you're ready for this?

I got one for you.

I got a couple.

And I'm not surprised, but the celebs that

I found, they seem to be political.

Interesting.

Political.

And you know, we're standing and I could

see us being political people that stand up on our soapbox.

We got a lot to say.

So Winston Churchill.

Yep, okay, all right.

Ben Franklin.

Dr. Martin Luther King, and here's one you

ready for this one?

Bill Clinton.

So this doesn’t surprise me.

Politicians need a level of of extroversion to

able to politic, you know, to blog, to be

out building relationships, to get those

constituents to, you know, work with them.

And they have to have thick skin.

They do.

They do.

They have to have thick skin.

So there's a level of debating and like we

are the debaters, right?

There's a level of debater, but you have

to have that reserve style to be able to

listen to your other opponent to be able

to respond appropriately.

I agree with you.

Well that doesn't explain some other

politicians, but that's a topic for another day.

So this is a fun little exercise and you

know one thought that I've been thinking

you know as we talk about this and just

about some of our personalities with you

and I, Vixen, and you know do opposites

attract?

Do you think that we get

along well because we’re not the same.

I do, I do.

I feel like for us, it's like a fill in

the gap type of thing.

And all you guys out there think about

this, I think you might find this the same.

Whereas if you have a friend or a spouse

or someone you're around all the time, how

you are and how they are not, it's like

then you can match and fill in the pieces.

The legos don't fit if they're exactly the

same.

They have to be that opposite to work.

Yeah.

I never really thought of it like that, but I’ve been

watching the show, you’ve probably heard of it,

probably seen it,

Love Is Blind on Netflix.

And, you know, I just started watching it

literally week ago and I'm already at the end of season two.

So, been binging.

And it's funny seeing these personalities

and like the reason they work well is

because they're so different.

You know, and they just met each other.

Well, actually, they hadn't even

physically seen each other before they

were ready to propose.

You know?

And then they go and they have like

basically about less than a month till

they're actually married where they're

getting to know each other.

And that's where you start to see where

the opposites are sometimes annoying but work.

I think it’s an interesting--

in a show like that,

I've seen like pieces of it, but not like

the whole thing.

But shows like that, I feel like that's an

intellectual relationship first.

And that is something and some

personalities are really strong at that.

If you like, for instance, for you,

someone who's an introvert, that show

sounds like it's perfect because you don't

actually have to be right there with the

person, but you're still get to talk to

them.

Whereas an extrovert, we're like trying to

see through the curtain.

We're trying to see through the

curtain.

I could see that! There’s like a safety in not

being able to actually to see the

person. Sometimes I miss just talking on the

phone, everything is now video, Zoom.

You know so, it’s just easier to express your feelings

while everyone can’t see you.

Right.

It’s that emotional connection that they're

building there too.

That makes sense.

That's a good point and probably why I'm

addicted to the show.

But that's okay.

I mean, it worked for a lot of people.

I mean, these shows are very popular, but

years ago, before the whole video, Zoom

thing, that's what you did, right?

You got somebody's phone number and you

called them and you tell, I know, right?

Like what?

You called them and you talked to them

before you even went out.

No you know what’s funny is I-- there’s like

1 or 2 clients that I still have phone calls with.

Because I had them established well before,

you know, Zoom was a thing.

And now my team also participates in the

calls.

But when we're on the calls, it's hard to

know who's supposed to be talking and

when, because you don't

have now that physical

recognition that we're used to because

we're used to seeing people and kind of

gauging the room but there's just silence

and then we all start to talk at once.

Then everybody talks again.

It's like we don't know, you can't tell by

the body language, you know, who's talking.

So it's funny how much communication can

change when you're so used to being able to see people.

It does.

It makes a difference.

Like even on the Zooms and we can see each

other and you're right, you can look at

somebody's eyes, you can gauge their body

language, but you know what?

I don't know when you were talking on the phone

and you didn't have that, it still was just like a vibe.

You either got the vibe or you didn't.

And so you knew.

So that's what I think that that show

seems to be like.

Like you're either getting the vibe or

you're not getting it.

Yep, it totally reminds me of being a

teenager talking to boys on the phone.

Yeah, totally.

I mean, I think it's great.

I think it's a little scary to think what

they do, but it's a great show.

Yeah, opposites, yeah.

So my husband took the personality test

too, and his wasn't too much different from mine.

We're actually a lot more like, which is

kind of scary, but we work well together.

But we fill in the blanks for the things

where we kind of like, one is more than

the other, you know?

And that works out well because like, I'm

the planner.

Organize everything's got a place, you

know, and he needs that because as much as

he's like really works hard he needs that

like Organization because he'll just work

and work and work and work and not even look up

and like oh I didn't get it these

other ten things done yet because I'm

still working on this and I'm like no no no

you gotta go, move, come on, next thing.

It works, you know.

I am, my introvert does come out because I

have to be the planner of my household

because my husband just can't.

He just can't.

So it's like, I have to plan dinner.

I have to plan.

He can still be home.

It's like, he can't make dinner.

You mean “can't.”

Yeah, I can't.

I forgot how to cook.

Oh how convenient!

He and I think he just, you know, we're

just getting older.

He's like, I really don't.

People will survive if I don't cook like

that kind of like that kind of thing.

And you know what we do.

We do.

You always have those sacrifices you make

for the other person, you know?

Here in Penn State, Saturdays, all the cats run

and hide.

You know, like, that's a sacrifice I make

because my office is in our main room and

he's throwing the football and furniture

is getting knocked over.

It's like those things where you make

things work, you know?

So, it's funny, I was just researching

stuff and learning more about this topic

and there are actual personality types

that are attracted more to certain kinds of animals too.

So, like I have four cats and cats are

actually known to be better, like they're

more compatible with the introvert

personality whereas dogs are more

compatible with the extrovert.

Absolutely, there is no way I would have

cat.

There is no way that that cat gets to sit

over there.

No, no, no, no.

You don't get to make that decision.

So yeah, I can totally, absolutely see

that because, mm-mmh.

I thought

it was fun.

I didn't give it to any other animals but

I'm sure there are some quirky things that

explain a lot of personalities.

I have a guy on my team that has a

hedgehog, you know, cutest little thing.

Oh okay!

And his personality is quite quirky.

I hadn't considered that one.

I hadn't considered the hedgehog.

Honestly, I did not.

So let's see here we got a couple of

things we can talk about and I think that

Vixen you might particularly like this

one.

You know how do you think that self -care

changes for different personality types.

Well, for an introvert, for instance, in

self-care, they're first of all going to

consider other people.

You're going to consider what other people

are doing, where they are, time of day,

like that kind of thing.

So you're going to kind of set it up to

make it because you're an introvert.

You probably don't want people seeing like

what you're doing, you know, because it's,

whereas an extrovert,

I'm going to make the plan.

I'm going to tell you when

I'm going to do it.

Whatever you're doing,

oh, well, you do you.

I'm doing me.

I'm doing it at this time.

It doesn't matter.

So the type of planning that is made

between the introvert and extrovert is

definitely going to be different.

Mm-hmm.

And I think how we actually unwind is

different too.

I think introverts tend to be more like,

I'd rather take a bubble bath and read a book.

And extroverts, they get energy from other

people.

Maybe their idea of self-care is actually

just a night out.

That is, see, that's the other extrovert.

Okay, that's a party animal.

There's party animals there.

That's not you.

My, when I say like for me, for self care,

when like I am liable, the only reason I

consider you, see this is you, this is

your fault.

The only reason that I don't show up in

like a sweatshirt and a face mask on is

because I know you don't like it.

Because see, for me, that's me considering

you, because I'm like that, I do that.

And I know you don't like it, but for me,

like I don't care.

So I get the same thing.

Look, in my mind, I'm like the same thing

is gonna come out my mouth no matter how comfortable I am.

So I would be doing self care and talking

and reading.

Like I do it all at the same time.

The older I get I feel the stronger

importance of self-care.

Learning my personality and others like it

gives us space without feeling like maybe

this person doesn't like me you know like

the one who wants to hang out all the time

I'm just like ehh. Once a year is plenty for me

you know and I feel like now that I'm

older too it doesn't really matter like

they're not like oh man Rachel she's a snob.

You know, nothing like that.

Like it's more like just something that

evolves, you know, once you learn yourself

and where you are in relation to other

people.

And I don't think I've ever had anyone

take offense because I didn't want to hang out, you know.

Yeah you're not a snob, you just don't want

anything to do with them.

As bad as it sounds, right?

That is perfectly acceptable.

You know that that person crosses your

limit after 20 minutes.

You've accepted that.

Yeah I mean, but there are people I like to

hang out with, but it has to be when I'm

in my limited extrovert mode.

Now is that predictable?

Predictable?

Sort of.

I feel like that’s not predictable.

Like when you’re gonna be an extrovert.

Well, sort of.

When I'm working during the day, everyone

that knows me.

You could ask my family, my in -laws,

don't bother me when I'm in my work mode.

Don't just stop by and say hi.

I'm in my mode.

You know so.

But when I'm done with work.

And when I can actually relax, I come out

of my shell more, I can feel relaxed, and

I want to socialize sometimes.

I'll talk to my neighbor for hours,

randomly.

So it just depends on what I have going

on.

If I've got a high stress or high focus

situation, it's really hard for me to

break out of that because people want to

hang out.

And you need to concentrate.

Yes, yes.

Yeah, it's different.

And I would love to know from the people

out there, leave it in the comments, what

your trigger is to either, if you're an

extrovert, what's your trigger to be an introvert?

And if you're an introvert, what's your

trigger to be an extrovert?

You know, what situation do you need to be

in to be an introvert?

Like if you're an extrovert, like what is

that for you?

I think, and I know for me personally,

it's like feeling comfortable in my environment too.

Like I need to know everybody who's there

and what role they have, you know.

So when I'm going to like a networking

event, that's high stress for me.

I need to really know

what's going on.

Right, unpredictable.

Yeah.

Yeah, that no, that that makes perfect

sense because you're kind of on guard.

If you don't know how you can be because

you don't know these people yet.

Right.

Yeah.

Yep.

Yeah.

Once you get to know them, then you know.

Then we  can kind of bring it down.

Well, I hope the audience does respond and

let us know their triggers.

Do you have a specific trigger?

I do.

When I'm in that room with like say a

network networking event and I'm in that

room and I don't know like half the

people, I'm a watch and wait.

Oh, I believe me when I'm watching, I am

watching.

I'm observing before I open my mouth

because I'm going to open my mouth appropriately.

But once I do, don't don't come out there

wrong because we're going to debate about it.

We're going to talk.

We're going to talk.

What they say, we're going to talk about

it.

We do have some things in common then,

because I mean, I observe it, you know,

and things like that.

So, and especially in a new environment,

like I need to get a lay of the land

before I'm going to jump in and start

talking to people.

That's interesting.

But then you know, if I'm talking to that person

and we start, and then a few minutes I

start getting more and more comfortable.

And then I start really like, all bets are

off.

All bets are off.

You might turn into a party animal mode.

So I cannot confirm or deny that I have

been on tables, okay, with a drink in my

hand and not even, wait a minute, and not

even have alcohol in it.

It doesn't need to have alcohol, okay?

I've seen it.

I've seen you dancing.

We were talking about Barbie and

you had your scarf and got to see

she’s naturally just like that

when she’s in her element.

I’m just happy you feel so comfortable with

me that you can dance around.

No alcohol necessary.

Everyone needs some of that

We’re coming closer

to the end here.

Trying to think if there is anything else

we should really touch on.

I do want the audience to know and to

understand that.

I wasn't always an extrovert.

Like it was something that was learned.

Something that the equivalent like back in

the day, we didn't know what a mantra was.

Okay.

They just told you the same thing over and

over again.

We just, that's what we've tagged it as

later on in life.

But so if you are an introvert or an

extrovert and like you want to be the opposite,

Or because sometimes you're an introvert

and you really need to have some little

more chutzpah to help you with your, like

your job, to help you take that position,

to, you know, to give it a try.

Understand that it can be learned.

It can, it can be learned.

It doesn't have to, don't feel that you're

stuck that way.

If that's not the way that you want to be,

um, understand that it can be learned.

And there is, um, there are some

classes and some learnings and things that

you can take to be able to, coaching even,

to be able to help you get there.

And so we weren't always, everyone's not

born this way.

That's a good point.

I'm thinking and discussing this that more

people that are introverts would want to

be extroverts or have extrovert

personalities or traits than the opposite.

I think so.

I think so because we are, someone who's

an extrovert is really usually a go-getter.

Like they're not afraid.

They're like, does anyone in the room want

to, we're like, me, me.

I'll do it.

I'll do it.

So, but the introvert is not that quick to

move if they move at all.

So they kind of miss out on the

opportunity.

So that is one thing I'm noticing

also in my practice, because I coach

people, talk to people also.

What are we doing while we're on the

table?

So I've been hearing that for years, and

I'm actually working on remedying that,

like helping people to remedy that,

because I see way too much of it, and

you're losing revenue.

Bottom line, you're losing money because

of that.

And you can turn it on and turn it off.

You just have to know how to turn it on,

like what your trigger can be.

I totally agree with you there.

I do because if I'm in the mindset that

this is what I want to accomplish today,

even if it means I'm not comfortable, I'll

get it done.

You know, I'll be at a networking event

all day.

I'll be exhausted afterwards, but I'll be

on as much as I possibly can.

All right.

Well, I'm going to end with a little joke

here.

And this is so true. I talked to a couple

friends about it yesterday.

So I read it in this little site about

jokes for introverts and it said, you

never fully realize how anti-social you

are until a pandemic strikes and your life

does not really change.

Okay, okay.

I agree.

A lot of people had to overhaul their

whole setup, their whole life.

Me, nothing really changed except my

husband started working from home every other day.

That was pretty much it.

Okay, you know what, that was very true

what you just said.

Me, yeah, my life definitely like

completely changed everything because I

couldn't go out.

Oh yeah.

I had a lot of revenge people after that,

like revenge travelers,

revenge people who wanna

go out and do things.

So once everything opened up again, I was

first person to run out the door.

Oh, well, thank you for everybody for tuning into

the podcast and thank you Vixen for coming back

for another season with me,

I think this is gonna be a lot of fun.

You can always follow our conversation online,

you know with the hashtag.

And hey, for more jokes about introverts

and extroverts, you can follow me on TikTok.

In the meantime, keep it real.

Real women.

With real talk.