Effortless Order for the Overwhelmed Life

PODCAST TRANSCRIPT

Welcome to the Light Her Project podcast,

Real Women.

Real talk.

I'm Rachel Strella.

and I'm Vixen Divine.

Welcome, welcome.

So how's your week going so far, Vixen?

You know, my week has gone different this

week.

I don't know if it's a thing or not, but

somebody, and it kind of just made me

think a little bit.

So I ran into two people I didn't know,

like two strangers, but then there was one

person I did know.

So that's how the connection came there.

So they're looking at me and one of the

strangers says, we're talking about

something else, but one of the strangers

says,

your makeup really looks good.

And then the next stranger also says,

yeah, it really does.

And then the person I knew was like, you

know what?

It really does.

Your makeup really does look good.

This disturbed me.

Can I tell you why it disturbed me?

Because we eluded straight out of the

gate, like to the fakeness, like to the

makeup, like not my skin.

My My makeup looked good.

So now, as meticulous as I am with my

skin, like making sure it's clear, making

sure it's like, like even now it's shiny,

like a teenager, you know, that kind of

thing.

But my makeup looks good.

And I'm like, well, wait a minute.

I have a very little makeup right now.

And they're like, that's your skin.

I'm like, yes, it's my skin.

you.

for like did you tell them it's all skin

care?

But it's weird to me it's weird that we

elude to like it can't be your skin it has

to be fake it has to be something else

Like your initial thought.

Well, yeah, perceptions are everything,

really.

If you don't know any better, if that's

what you would think.

Is it a social media thing?

Do you think it's an influence?

Hmm.

No

I think it's an assumption thing, totally.

Okay, so that was my weird thing this

week.

Well that's an interesting start to the

week.

My week was not as...

Well my week was weird too, but a

different way.

You know, we have key team out --for us

business owners that really stinks

sometimes.

You know, we have a key team member out on

a family emergency.

Someone who's involved in every aspect of

our business.

So I'm riding through the bumps and waves

of that, you know, suddenly trying to

delegate things and meet the expectations

of the clients.

But then I've also been feeling with this

health thing for a long time now, like

almost a year and a half.

I just had my third steroid injection,

hoping that their time was a charm to help

me with this pain, but we don't know.

Yeah, that's the best part.

We don't know.

Guess what?

I'm gonna go for another MRI now.

And.

That'll be another five, six weeks, so

that's in.

I'm gonna probably wait another month for

an appointment to figure out what those

results mean.

And then, you know, so like, it's one of

those things where I'm not gonna give up.

It's also like, can we just, can you just

tell me what's going on already?

And sometimes when you give up, you feel

like if you just waited one more day,

maybe that would have been it.

Yeah, but you know we have health care and

I'm grateful for that and I'm grateful for

doctors that keep trying to figure out me

and the mystery which big surprise I'm a

mystery.

But I'm gonna keep going I'm not gonna

give up and I'm gonna keep taking notes

the whole way.

That's right.

Well, let's talk about our topic, speaking

of notes.

Our topic is Effortless Order for the

Overwhelmed Life.

Yes, yes, as women, I think we do a lot.

So we talked about a lot of things before

we've talked about, you know, balance and

talked about time management, you know,

and specifically with that, I think we're

focused a little more on things like

procrastination, kind of the tips for

balancing your life, but also some fun,

really intriguing insights like time

blindness, which I never heard of before

this.

In this particular podcast though, I think

we want to focus more on the how -to of

organization as well as tips and some

tools that we use to organize our lives.

And as usual, some interesting insights

into things like, well, ADHD and women.

So before you write me off, there is

something there.

But this will be different.

And I think you should stay tuned for what

we're going to talk about today.

So as always, we've taken a quiz.

So for this one, how organized are you

really?

And it was literally two minutes.

So I really liked that.

But it was from Interact.

If you go to tryinteract .com, there's a

quiz that will basically give you this

assessment.

So, well.

What do you think, Vixen?

How did you turn out?

So since I know, I was actually surprised

at what I got because I'm not the most

organized person in the world.

I'm not the least organized, but

apparently from this quiz it says I am

nearly organized.

So I got a seven.

That was higher than I thought I would

get.

And it was talking about...

My daily routine is still a struggle, you

know, but I don't have like piles of dirty

laundry and dishes everywhere.

Like I do add kind of, I'm more as needed

kind of person.

I don't have a plan.

It's just if I see it, you know, starts to

bug me, then I do it.

Okay, fair enough.

a schedule or anything like that.

So I'm nearly organized.

Okay, hey, that's not bad, and I actually

would say I applaud that.

That's not bad at all.

For me, it's probably no surprise that it

says I'm organized.

So.

that.

I don't know.

It's something that's always been in me.

When you have so many things that you

juggle, like if you're not organized,

you're just drowning constantly.

I'm still drowning a lot, but if I wasn't

organized, I could only imagine I would

get no sleep.

But it was a fun little quiz and they give

you some tips, you know, how you can plan

smarter, streamline your living space,

stuff like that.

So it's a real quick and easy quiz.

And one of the things that I really like

about some of these quizzes is you don't

have to like put your email in and get

bombarded constantly.

It's just this is your result.

Here are some tips.

If you want more things that come in your

inbox, you could sign up for that.

So.

Yeah, pretty quick, pretty quick.

I mean, I think generally women are more

organized than most than men because we

have so many things going on.

But what's interesting and this all came

to my attention by a coworker is ADHD in

women.

So.

I did not know this, but there were a lot

of studies that have been done,

particularly over the last year or two,

many studies, that many women are

undiagnosed or misdiagnosed with ADHD.

So, wow, okay.

So, why?

Why?

Well, I've got to know though, for them to

be misdiagnosed or basically under

diagnosed, is it because we're just so

busy and we seem to be that way anyway?

So do we have ADHD or are we just doing

what has to be done?

But can we focus?

But do we need to?

Oh my.

That's a loaded question.

Depends on our output, I guess.

We're getting it done and we're getting it

done well.

Because can you fold laundry and like

watch the Kardashians at the same time?

I say yes.

Sure.

I mean, my work break is laundry, dishes,

cleaning.

The work break, working from home.

But I think the hard part is the constant

barrage of things that come at you in an

average day.

You know, from what you're being blown up

on, from text messages, phone calls,

Facebook, email.

Plus your actual things you gotta do.

You gotta run errands.

Or you gotta do your job.

Or you gotta take your kids somewhere.

Whatever, it's just so, so many things

that are going on.

It's almost like you can't fully tune out

if you have so many responsibilities.

You can't just say, well, I'm just going

to turn my phone off for five hours.

Because what if the school calls and your

kid is sick and you need to come get the

child?

So you can't, in a lot of circumstances,

just completely tune out.

So what do you do to help you stay

organized for stuff like that?

Well one of the things that I think is

even though you might have to be tuned in

to all of these things, you still don't

have to do 10 things at once.

personally, you know, that those things

might be up, you might be getting those

notifications and you're on alert for the

specific things you need.

Like I know for me personally, I only have

certain notifications set up on my phone.

I do not want to see how many emails I

have or anybody that Facebook messages me,

anything like that.

Even most of my text messages are

silenced.

Like I'll have to go into the app to see

that somebody tried to text me.

Like the things that I

to know about that are kind of more

immediate are the ones that I have

notifications set for because I know that

if I receive something from one of these

sources it's probably gonna be something I

need to pay attention to.

But I think doing one thing at a time,

otherwise is like a big key to that

really.

I try really hard because I am a chronic

multitasker.

But like on this podcast right now, I

don't have my email open.

I don't have my Slack open.

My phone is upside down.

For 30 minutes, the world is not going to

end.

For whatever it is that's going on.

So you filter.

You do, you have to filter.

And I'm, you know, for you, as a mom, of

two autistic children, I can only imagine

how that plays out for you in your

business and personal life.

I don't filter.

That's the thing.

I don't filter.

I have...

Okay, right now I don't have my messages

on because then you would hear them.

That's the only reason I don't have them

on.

But believe me, I wanna know.

My phone is off right now.

You know, like for the sound purposes, you

know, I want them, the audience to be able

to hear us and not everything else.

So that's the only reason that that is

off.

But believe me when I tell you that yes,

I'm working on something, but somebody

comes in.

Like, mom, mom, mom.

And because everything is that I need

right now.

So the only time that I actually have them

not come in, like when I have that sign on

the door that says you better not come in

unless you're on fire, is when I'm doing

something like this.

Like I'm filming something, I'm taping

something like this.

Even so, maybe, depends on the customer.

So things like that when I have live

interaction.

But other than that, it's pretty much fair

game, because I know I have to be

available because basically I'm the only

one who can put the fire out.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I experienced that as a

business owner, especially at the level

that we're at with so many people on the

team, you know, it's like seven o 'clock

on Monday night, family emergency, I need

to delegate all my stuff, I'm like, oh no,

oh boy, like, well, there goes my Monday

night.

But like, you know, that's part of the

job, being a mom, that's part of the job.

It comes with the territory, it's what you

have to do.

My biggest thing for my organization that

I have, which is very little, but I have

some things that are very organized, like

my grocery list is very organized because

I will go to the store and I'll wander up

and down.

If I don't have a list, like, sure, I

always buy unnecessary things, but I will

forget something that I actually went in

there for.

So what I have them do is I have a

magnetized whiteboard

on the refrigerator with the pens, you

know, the special pens.

And so if something's low or if something

is needed, you write it on the board.

And then before I go to the store, I take

my phone and I take a picture of that.

And then when I come back and put stuff

away, you know, if they didn't have it, I

leave it on the list, but everything else

I erase.

So then the board starts over again.

And they know, you know, they're like,

Mom, did you get this?

I said, was it on the list?

Yep.

It wasn't on the list.

I didn't get it.

you're one of those people who actually

goes to the store.

I don't know the last time I stepped foot

in a store, but when I'm out of something,

I go to Instacart and I put it in the

cart.

That way it's done I don't have to worry

about it.

And when I hit $35 and when I'm really out

of something, push it through.

But I live in a different world.

do the whole delivery thing.

I just, I can't.

I'll even go pick it up.

I just can't have the delivery.

I don't know.

Once you go delivery, you won't go back.

I like I have to go to the store?

No, no, no, I don't want to be around more

people if I actually get in the car and

drive somewhere.

The only place I want to go is like if I'm

getting a massage with you or I'm meeting

friends, but like I don't want to go to

the grocery store.

Well now what then, what is your thing, so

you don't, your organization at home, so

what's your thing to keep you organized at

home?

Or you don't need anything?

At home I really don't need a lot, but I

will say that like there are certain

projects that I know have to be done in

certain increments.

For example,

This past weekend we just started kind of

redoing the countertops.

We need to restain them every year, like

kind of resurface them a little bit.

And so that's just in my calendar, pop up,

you know June 1, got to do that.

Same thing with like cleaning out the

washer, you know, whatever.

It's all in the calendar.

And then I put it on my honey to -do list.

So when it's that time to get mulch or

clean out the dryer, stain, it's on

Honey's Trello board.

Yes, the Trello

board. But we also have the calendar, you

know, and I'll invite him to the

calendar. So bling bling time to get

mulch.

Otherwise she's a good system with my

husband and I which I'm really lucky with.

It's like you know when the laundry's full

he'll take it down and start it.

When the dishwasher's full he'll start it.

Same thing with me you know whoever's

around first to be able to handle it will

do it.

It's really that simple.

As far as home what about you?

Okay, that was as far as like, like things

like the dishwasher.

I just, I do the dishwasher because I like

the only reason that I, they put things in

the dishwasher, like after they eat and

stuff, they put their own things in the

dishwasher.

But as far as running the dishwasher, I'm

the only one who runs it because they put

stuff in wrong.

So I have to fix it.

So that when it washes, everything gets

clean.

You know, you can't put a bowl in

sideways, but my family thinks you can.

I usually let my husband load the

dishwasher because I'll just shove

everything in there and slam it shut and

hit go.

Yeah.

Guilty.

But you know what?

Okay, here's a great way that I organize

my life.

Great example right now.

So I'm here on this podcast, okay, and I

am waiting for a wine delivery.

I need to sign for the wine delivery.

And I don't want to miss the wine

delivery.

So my husband is sitting up here at the

table and in case ding, you know, because

last thing you would do is miss a wine

delivery.

So for 30 minutes, he's up here on his

computer doing his thing for the wine

delivery.

Very important.

It's very important the wine delivery is

very important.

Okay.

Okay.

I can understand that though.

I can understand that.

I mean, teamwork is really essential, at

least with what I do with my husband.

I mean, if you don't have other people on

the team that are going to do their part

on whatever, it's that organizational

thing, that housework thing, then it kind

of falls apart and it all falls on you.

That's true, that's true.

I don't necessarily like teamwork, I just

like help.

I just like, I have my daughter mops the

floor, she sweeps and mops the floors.

I just like help little things and don't

put your dishes in the sink.

As long as you put them in the dishwasher,

then I'll organize it and all at the end.

Do you know what I mean?

So I just want help.

I don't necessarily want you to do it.

So laundry most they all do their own

laundry.

Everybody does their own laundry, which is

good.

So I don't do that, except I do the spa

laundry and I do my own laundry.

Okay, now even organizing laundry though,

have you ever tried to do laundry and then

like you got a kid laundry in there and

you're like, come on, I need to use this.

Like, do you ever have that problem

organizing all that?

No, no, everyone has their own spot.

Like they have their own, like it's really

separate.

It's really a thing.

Yeah, it's really separate.

I think it's important to talk a little

bit about too, like about space.

You know, physical space because I can't

work

properly if I have a pile of paper here

and stuff over here and like the worst

times in my life are when I'm doing home

projects or room renovations and stuff is

just everywhere I can't focus so I really

think it's important to take five minutes

to just like get your workspace clear get

your mind clear like I feel it's the

clutter to my mind not to see stuff all

over the place like yeah I should probably

file that

just file it.

I've got to just get it out of there

because it will clutter you and it will it

will mold it will it will totally just

pile up in and in your head and it will it

will weigh you down.

Okay, that's because of your personality.

Because for someone like me, now I don't,

but for my workspace, like for instance,

in my office where I am right now, I have

three shelves.

And on the second shelf, I have

I don't have a whole lot of stuff, but I

do have some stuff on the second shelf and

some stuff on the third shelf and like

stuff that doesn't actually need to be in

here, but I'm okay with that.

Okay, now I think it's good we're talking

about personalities because like one of

the things is that I'm obviously a type A

and everybody needs every type, I mean the

world needs every type of personality but

my type of personality is a little

overbearing for people who aren't type A.

Because I'll respond to that email as soon

as I get it.

Or I will make sure my desk is clear.

I'll make sure I'm ready and on time,

blah, blah, blah.

So.

The thing is though, a thing that I'm

learning about, so I am also ADHD, which

might be surprising, but I am.

But like I'm talking with a co -worker and

she's ADHD, but she's not type A.

And so for her, she had to learn that she

had to shut everything out, focus.

And she told me that like her mom is type

A, obviously I'm type A.

And so like when she doesn't respond,

them right away or doesn't like

immediately handle something she feels as

though she's letting them down or

something or like they might think that

she's ignoring them you know and I can

only say from my perspective as type A I

don't think that I don't expect anyone to

be as anal as I am but

I think there's expectations here and

perceptions about the reason personalities

work well together because they're not the

same typically.

So I told her that's never the expectation

for me.

do feel like though, no matter the other

person, like, don't you know that they're

not going to respond because like if

they're me, like, did you do you really

expect things from me right away?

Like, no, you don't.

I reach you, but...

message, I'm going to get a pretty instant

response unless you're with a customer.

If it's email, maybe a day or two or

three.

It depends, I guess, on what it is.

But, you know, everybody, you learn how to

work with people and their expectations.

So what I think some people might feel is,

oh man, I don't know if I'm like if I

should respond to this right away.

And guess what?

They don't.

You know, I told her, like, you get

everything done.

falls through the cracks.

So I don't expect any immediate response

to anything, you know, and if I really

need something, you know, I will follow up

with you.

But like, honestly, I don't expect anybody

to be as anal as I am about responding and

being on top of things.

Because we have people on our team that

are on top of things and like they're not

on top of things.

They might respond right away, but then

major things fall through the cracks.

So I feel like it's okay to be who you

are.

are and don't feel like you need to owe

any explanation to anybody for who you

are.

Well, I feel like as long as you're

getting it done, and I know we talked

about this a little bit on a separate

podcast, but whatever, whoever you are,

whatever your personality type, as long as

you're able to function, you know, in

whatever you're doing and you are getting

it done, you know, as necessary, then I

feel like it's not a problem.

No, you don't work, like you and I are not

the same, but.

Yeah.

I get it done, you get yours done just as

necessary, you know, as needed.

So as long as things don't get neglected,

because that's where a problem, you know,

as long as you have your own strategy in

doing it, that's okay.

That's okay.

Yep, or done just like, well, like,

responding is one thing, but if you're

going to respond, I still want it done

well, you know, so, but I don't have that

problem with like this particular person

I'm talking about.

It's always going to get done well, you

know, and I actually look at it more like

they can manage my personality because I

am kind of over communicative and anal,

you know, if they can deal with that,

still get the job done well, like I give

them all the credit.

So it's all about working with other

people, team, but let's talk a little bit

about boundaries though, while we're on

this, because I feel like...

We are all in a state of constant

communication, feeling we can't, like fear

of missing out, you know, on anything.

But you have to set boundaries.

You have to pick and choose some of the

things that you decide that you're going

to respond to or handle.

How do you decipher that?

Well, that's where I do filter.

I look at everything.

I want to see every single message, spam.

I want to see everything.

But then, I'm not going to get past that

title.

Like, who it's from makes a difference.

And then what that line, that intro line

says is everything on whether I'm swiping,

swiping, swiping, swiping.

But I want to read it.

Because that fear of missing out, I don't

want to miss anything.

So I'm going to read every single one of

them.

And then I want to swipe and that's where

I'm going to filter.

So that's what I'm going to do with that.

And so that I feel like I know it not

everyone people do filter where they don't

even get them.

They don't even read them like if they

don't.

But yeah, fear of missing out right here.

Yes.

I get that.

Yeah.

I mean, I get everything and it depends on

what it is I want to chime in on.

One of the things I think too that we

should talk about really briefly is like,

we are all overwhelmed.

We all have too many responsibilities.

I think it's important to consider too

like when you have a large to -do list,

what is realistic about what you can get

done?

I know that it can be overzealous like we

could say yeah I'm gonna be able to do

this and go to the gym and take the dog

for a walk, get the laundry done and watch

Kardashians.

But one of the things that's been helpful

for me is I like lay out my day and I'm

like that's gonna take me a half hour,

that's gonna take me, and it worked

backwards.

I'm like okay I have eight

in a day, realistically a work day, okay I

started blocking 45 for that, this, that,

that, then you got to block it, you've got

to block out the pop -up requests, you

know, something's gonna happen, doesn't

matter what it is, and I feel like when

you actually look at your day like that,

you realize how much you're taking on that

you don't have a time to do.

Okay, so yes and no.

Yes where, see it depends on how long that

task actually takes you.

What you block out and then how long it

actually takes to get done.

Because I don't do like you do, like I

don't have like this 30 minute block or I

expect this to take 45 minutes or that

sort of thing.

But what I do is I put them in order of

importance.

Because no matter how long it takes, I

want to get this one, two, three done, the

rest, you know, bonus, bonus, bonus,

right?

So after, if I get tired or if I'm done,

I'm just done.

I'm just, I'm just done.

And it just moves, it just moves to the

next day.

You have to.

I mean, I think we all do that.

But the problem I think is we have too

much on the list.

We realistically don't have enough time

for all the things on the list.

You know, and that's where we have to be a

little more realistic.

Like, can I get all of those things done

today you know and and and I had a former

speaker that was speaking at a woman's

group I was at she said first thing every

woman should do at the beginning every day

is eliminate one task from their to -do

list very smart

One task eliminated.

Okay, so.

If you don't need it, if it's not going to

be done today, get it out of there.

And if I put it on the bottom of the list,

it'll probably get done tomorrow anyway.

But I think it's a good approach because I

think it's a little bit when we tend to

overdo that list.

We're like, we can get all that done.

Come on, we'll multitask.

Yeah, we'll do that while we're talking

this, doing that.

So I think more realistically is what is

the one thing we actually don't need to

get done today?

And see ya, it's out of our brain, out of

our mind for the day.

So, yeah.

But I think as far as getting things done

and organizational things, the things that

are most expected are the top of the list.

It's expected and needs done.

That's the top of the list.

So a list for me is vital.

I'm not as organized as like a Trello

board.

I am a write things down.

Like I'll write a list for the day down

and then I will erase as the things get

done.

But the top of the list is the most

important because I don't expect to get

everything done on the list.

Sure.

I think I realized that my list is

probably too long.

So it never upsets me or bothers me that I

didn't get everything done on the list.

So you use a Trello board, I use the

writing it down, the writing it down by

hand.

But if you establish an organizational

routine, I think if somebody can do that,

that really does help.

Yeah

My personality type, like a routine, as

much as we should have one.

No, but if you can do it and stick to it,

it would make you so much more organized

and so much better.

thing.

When Trello goes down, it goes down

actually quite a bit, I feel like naked.

I'm like, where's my Trello board?

This is organizing my day, you know?

I know mentally what's on it, but I need

to see it so I know that I'm on task.

You know, all my meetings in there, all of

my to-do's are in there.

So, well.

We're coming to the end of this podcast,

but this was a lot of fun.

I invite the audience to share

organizational tips that they have or that

they've learned.

With AI and all these other things, I

mean, even more and more opportunities

abound for us to organize our life.

It's just deciding now if we have to

organize our life to figure out which AI

tool we're gonna use and prioritize, but.

Well, thank you for tuning in to the Light

Her Project Podcast.

You can always follow the conversation

online with the hashtag.

In the meantime, keep it real.

Real women.

with Real Talk.