Podcast Transcript.
Rachel Strella:
Welcome to the Light Her Project Podcast, Real Women.
Vixen Divine:
Real talk.
Rachel Strella:
I'm Rachel Strella.
Vixen Divine:
and I'm Vixen Divine.
Rachel Strella:
Thank you for tuning into our very first podcast for women. We came up with this idea based on our own experiences as women, as well as the feedback that we've received from other women. We really wanna create a safe place for women to feel comfortable sharing their experiences, their struggles, their triumphs. As women, we experience a lot of different things from body image expectations to societal
Vixen Divine:
everything.
Rachel Strella:
expectations to family obligations and everyday pressures. we are just going to cover a variety of topics that will be relevant to women today. So I'm excited to jump into our first topic, which is body image. For those of you who are listening, you may or may not have seen my TikTok video where I talk about the plastic surgery fail and not one, not two, but three parts. And I was shocked at the... amount of feedback I've received. I mean I've had over a million views on the first two videos, over thousands of comments. So this tells me that this is something that a lot of women are experiencing
Vixen Divine:
a lot.
Rachel Strella:
and I think it gets more challenging the older you get. But I could say
Vixen Divine:
Absolutely.
Rachel Strella:
for me personally I've always had certain body image issues and for me that tummy area has bugged me. I remember when I was in college and I called it the pooch.
Vixen Divine:
Oh yeah.
Rachel Strella:
roommate caught at that you know it's just a little tummy then man I would kill for the 21 year old tummy that I had versus a 42 year old tummy that I have either way all in all I'm happy with my body but there are always those little things that you want to
Vixen Divine:
Yeah, just kind of little things. Yeah. I kind of went through the same thing, but I'm actually going through that now. In my 52, almost 53 year old self, I... It's not as easy to maintain the body image that you might have in your head as it is actually seeing it. So right now, actually with the pandemic, I was one of those people that I gained, I gained probably, honestly like 20 pounds because my job is physical. And then as a massage therapist, they said basically, hey, you can't do that anymore, you know, for a while.
Rachel Strella:
Mm-hmm.
Vixen Divine:
And
Rachel Strella:
Yeah.
Vixen Divine:
so we couldn't see, do facials, we couldn't massage, like we couldn't see people, which
Rachel Strella:
Right.
Vixen Divine:
is all physical work. But I guess when you do it every day, you don't realize how hard you're actually working and your body's used to being strong and used to doing all that. And it's just, that's just what you do. So as I was still eating. not Because that was my workout because that's what I do. So as so I'm not working out, but I'm still eating And so that that's where that 20 some pounds came from And it kind of snuck up on me because I had always been a thinner person Always like without really without any effort. So I Woke up one day and you know what? My pants were tight. Where did
Rachel Strella:
I
Vixen Divine:
that
Rachel Strella:
think
Vixen Divine:
come
Rachel Strella:
so.
Vixen Divine:
from? Just out of the blue. So I still have that extra 20 some pounds, although here's my struggle. My husband likes that 20 some pounds because where did I gain it? In the front and in the back.
Rachel Strella:
Yeah.
Vixen Divine:
around the middle but my husband's quite happy about that and but for me I am the one who struggles with it so the body image so since for me this is bigger than I've ever been and so even though it's not big on the grand scale but
Rachel Strella:
Mm.
Vixen Divine:
I was used to being like I hover between 8 and a 10 so now I'm hovering actually between like a 12 and 14 and for me which is not big it's like average But for me, it's like so much bigger than I'm used to being. So it's that body image, what you look like, what you feel like, and getting comfortable in that.
Rachel Strella:
understood, hey, I'm with you. And it is somewhat internal. I mean, actually probably mostly internal. My husband has never complained about how I look. It's always me complaining. He always says, you look beautiful, you look great. He means it. It's just that internal struggle.
Vixen Divine:
It is, women I find, and this is, I can't even think of a woman that I've talked to that says that their husbands really complain, or their boyfriends
Rachel Strella:
Bye.
Vixen Divine:
really complain.
Rachel Strella:
Yeah.
Vixen Divine:
It is really mostly them complaining about themselves. You know, us complaining about ourselves.
Rachel Strella:
Mm-hmm.
Vixen Divine:
Truth be told in most cases men actually like a little bit more on you than because We have things that men don't you know we've got the hips. They don't have hips. We've got the boobs They don't have boobs, so it's like that's a feminine look for them. You know So we're showing what they have so they're happy with it for the most part. And I always say for the most part or most because there's always that one person, that couple people somewhere that really that's a very, very extreme, either very thin or very heavy. There's that part, but for most people, that's what I've seen. And I've seen a lot of women, a lot of women.
Rachel Strella:
No. Yes you have. Well, I'm going to start talking about what we're seeing right now. So one of the things that I'm doing, keeping my eyes open, it's funny how things kind of come to you when you're on a certain wavelength.
Vixen Divine:
Yes.
Rachel Strella:
So I didn't notice this before, so maybe it's new, maybe it's not, but at the gym I go to, I belong to Planet Fitness, and I first noticed it in the bathroom, there was a sign that said no selfie zone. I thought well that wouldn't make sense in that bathroom anyway. But then I'm on the treadmill and I'm like, there's one out there. in the hallway no selfie zone now I know that plan of fitness is all about just you know achieving your goals and
Vixen Divine:
Yes.
Rachel Strella:
feeling good no judgment zone
Vixen Divine:
Yeah.
Rachel Strella:
the no selfie zone sign that was different for me and it made me think a little bit about you know we're trying to promote this culture by the positivity is that what this is for we're trying to meet some people feel better when they take a selfie of themselves and they're doing something at the gym and that gives them The New South Weasel thing was really interesting to me.
Vixen Divine:
Well, I think there's two edges to that sword. Yes, if you take a selfie, I mean, it's known that. you lift some weights and immediately after you lift those weights you're pumped up. You know, you have a bigger you. So, you know, taking that selfie of the bigger you
Rachel Strella:
Right.
Vixen Divine:
may give you a great boost. However, at the same time, the person in the picture behind you that you didn't mean to take and they see you with that camera
Rachel Strella:
True.
Vixen Divine:
may not be thrilled about... The fact that you're pumped up or actually may not care. All they care about is, oh my god, I feel so bad. I don't want anyone to take my picture. I've been trying
Rachel Strella:
Great.
Vixen Divine:
to lose 10 pounds, it's not coming off. That's all that they see. They may never return because people take selfies.
Rachel Strella:
You know that makes a lot of sense and it was something I thought about. You don't realize how many people are around you when you're taking a selfie. That could be in that backdrop. Makes total sense.
Vixen Divine:
Yeah, I was at Disney on Ice and my daughter and I took the selfie, you know? And I didn't even realize that the people in the background were in the background until later on when I went to show that picture and I'm like, oh, there are people back there and I don't know who they are. So I would have really had to... gray out that background or something like that to get rid of these people. And me, I don't know, I'm not a lawyer, that's not my field of expertise. All I was thinking about was, my God, I can't put that up because somebody's gonna sue me. And that's all
Rachel Strella:
Thank you. Bye.
Vixen Divine:
I think about. Yeah, it's a public place, but that's what I think about. I'm like, I don't know.
Rachel Strella:
It's a slippery slope, I mean, and that leads me into the next topic too, you know, just social media. You know, I work in social media, I've been working in social media for 13 years. It's everywhere. And the Lisa Show, which is through BYU Radio, BYU Radio, they have the whole series, a 12-part series on body image for women. And I watched one of them, because one was specific to social media, you know, and I if I didn't mention this. You know, one of the things that she was talking about was, you know, she's, you know, she's somewhere in our age group, let's just put it that way. And, you know, the feed keeps giving her ads that she's seeing that other people in her community... have endorsed, whether they use that product or like that page or whatever that is,
Vixen Divine:
Okay.
Rachel Strella:
she feels a sense of connectedness because somebody in her community already has something to do with that product. And so it's just a step like swore with social media, you know? It's like we want to connect with people, but there's that other side of it. There are the people that are creeps, there are, you know, the trolls, there are the ads that you get served. You know? free. And social media is no exception to that. And I think one of the things I really learned putting my experience out there on TikTok, which is something I probably would never done 10 or 15 years ago, you know, is that, you know, why like everybody is experiencing something, they're gone through something or they're going through something and that vulnerability aspect is, is so important for you to be able to actually form real relationships. I really truly believe that. former BFF through TikTok, but I've
Vixen Divine:
You never know.
Rachel Strella:
heard from so many women who dealt with a similar situation, you know, and they, you know, they felt better having someone else that they could relate to, even though it was a bad experience. We weren't alone. And I think that's the whole point.
Vixen Divine:
That is, it's supposed to be, social media I think was designed, actually it was designed for bad reasons. But it ended up being a place where you can do so many different things and one of those things is the connection with people as you said. But to your point, as we get bolder, we get older. You know, there are things that you would not have done in your younger self that you're like, oh, screw it. I'm going to do it anyway. Now you like, you know, I, as you get older, there are just things that you like. I'm ready. Modesty leaves you like so many things. So many things leave you. But yeah, because of that. your age and you know for the women that are watching us they're probably you know the 13 year olds are probably bored so they've left already you know they have no idea what we're talking about um but for the ones that are our age or older we do understand that body image with social media is a big deal. Especially the camera. The camera now puts on 10 pounds. At least, you know. So now I'm 30 pounds heavier on this camera than I would have been if you met me. So that's even worse.
Rachel Strella:
that angle.
Vixen Divine:
But I will tell you, I think... Social media can be used for a very good connection, very good imaging. if it's done right. So I think if you care about something like that, that's where you should probably connect with someone like you, because I have no idea. Not the techie over there. Techie not over here. You know, to be able to do something like that. But a lot of times, and I see it predominantly in the younger people, they don't understand the consequences of social media. They'll do things. because they're living right now. They're not
Rachel Strella:
Mm-hmm.
Vixen Divine:
doing things thinking
Rachel Strella:
Yeah.
Vixen Divine:
of where that right now is going to be in a year, in two years, in five years. Now, when we were growing up, they
Rachel Strella:
Thank
Vixen Divine:
didn't have, we didn't have selfies
Rachel Strella:
you.
Vixen Divine:
everywhere. We didn't have those cell phones all the time. You could kind of do stuff and like, there's no evidence. It's just your word against mine. But now
Rachel Strella:
Yeah.
Vixen Divine:
there's proof of everything. So you can't get away with what you could get away with then. And they don't understand. A lot, there are people that don't understand that, hey, when you're sending that pic, it's not just going to stay in that phone. It really could go over there and over there and over there and over there and soon be front page news.
Rachel Strella:
Yeah, yeah, you're absolutely right. I mean, I remember talking to college students early on when I started my business about the repercussions of things that they post on social media. This stuff comes back to you when you're looking for jobs and there's just so much there. I think the younger generation, so, I mean, we'll say this, especially the Gen Zs and beyond right now, there is a different view that they have. things different than previous generations.
Vixen Divine:
Yes.
Rachel Strella:
And I think, you know, one of the ones that was brought to my attention recently, and specifically to TikTok and Gen Zs, was this idea of body neutrality, where we're talking about, you know, not necessarily positivity, where I love my body, and how you feel about it, but more about appreciation of what your body can do. I'm able to have this podcast, I'm able to walk my dog. And I thought a lot about this and I reached out to my TikTok audience about how they felt, you know, as well. And I feel like the functionality of the body is something that is good for us to focus on when we're starting to feel like less positive about how we look. And I notice it even more as we age. I mean, I'm going physical therapy right now for a residual back issue. You know, and my body just cannot do what it did 20 years ago. So my appreciation for what my body can do is heightened tremendously.
Vixen Divine:
Well, okay, I'm glad that you know though that you can't do what you couldn't do 20 years ago because there are some people that still haven't gotten a handle on that. So that's really good. like the issue that I'm going through right now as far as positivity. I find though, with seeing in my profession, because I see so many women on a constant basis, um, I, we talk a lot, you know, I talk to so many women, different ways of life, different, uh, lifestyles, and I will tell you that giving that yourself, that self care that you pick will kind of distract you. from something that you don't like. For instance, okay, maybe like right now, I'm with you on the stomach thing, that's where I'm going right now. I'm probably
Rachel Strella:
Okay.
Vixen Divine:
gonna cry on myself, honestly. I can't say that I won't. So my stomach is one of my focuses right now, which I don't care for. But what I can do, an immediate thing that I can do, is I can get my hair cut.
Rachel Strella:
Mm-hmm.
Vixen Divine:
Rachel Strella:
Yeah.
Vixen Divine:
can get my nails done. That is immediate satisfaction. That is immediate something, oh, I might not like my stomach, but my nails look good. That's something I can do to make myself feel better. Pick me up.
Rachel Strella:
Yeah.
Vixen Divine:
Do you know what
Rachel Strella:
Yeah.
Vixen Divine:
I mean?
Rachel Strella:
Yeah.
Vixen Divine:
I can feel good about my massage. Oh, my back feels better. Oh yeah, I feel good. So it kind of distracts from what you. can't maybe do because you can't instantly take it off right now, but you can do something that's good for your mind and gives you something good to focus on when you do some kind of self-care.
Rachel Strella:
That makes total sense, you know, getting your nails done, your hair done, you know, getting whatever it is. Some people have nice eyelashes, whatever it is that makes you feel good. Sometimes well, it makes you feel good. Sometimes a donut feels good too. Uh, it doesn't have a stomach issue, but you know, self care, it's just that tiny thing that you do that makes you feel good about yourself. You know, I think self care is also a double edged sword because sometimes self care is a donut, you know.
Vixen Divine:
Okay, alright, well, it's okay to have a donut. Let's just put some protein in there somewhere, you know? Maybe a little peanut butter.
Rachel Strella:
A person who's used that, let's create that.
Vixen Divine:
Oh, no.
Rachel Strella:
And maybe add a little bit of green in there too. And we're off to that. But I think the little things that you can do to make yourself feel better is, you know, I think there's a lot of merit in that. You know, just what I'm doing with you right now, Vixen, so, you know, I've been doing the cryotherapy with Vixen. I just finished my fourth treatment today. And it's, you know, it's, this isn't going to be something that's going to be a monumental life changing thing, you know? But this is something that I feel better when I do it. You know, I feel like, yeah, I might have lost a half an inch, you know, around my waist and I feel better, you know? And sometimes it doesn't have to be that. I mean, I see you for all kinds of things, from skin care to massage therapy, but that little thing that you do could sometimes make all the difference in how you feel about yourself.
Vixen Divine:
It is true. I have seen, even in facials, like when you, and I've learned this over the years, when I look at someone no matter what it is, body, face, you know, they may seem like they're acting crazy to me, but the one thing that you let them speak because what's bothering them is not always what you see.
Rachel Strella:
true. It ain't true.
Vixen Divine:
if not always what you see. It's like you have to learn to listen. And this is for everyone, no matter what your profession is, we can prevent so many tragedies if we would just listen to the other person. Let's not assume, assume that we think, for instance, someone comes in, I see these 11 lines right here. And I'm certain that they want to get rid of these 11 lines. But you know what they say? Oh my goodness, this little freckle right here has been bothering me forever. Can you have a look at it? They don't care about these 11 lines right here.
Rachel Strella:
Yeah. Ha ha ha.
Vixen Divine:
They care about this. So never assume that. when you're seeing or you're talking or you're having an argument or something with another person that you know what they're thinking because it could be totally different from what you see. Why? Because everyone has grown up with a different perspective. Everyone sees things a little differently. Like me, like I said, I see my 12-14 as big, as a bigger body. Whereas somebody... who may be bigger than me is saying, girl, shut up. Because that's the perspective that they have.
Rachel Strella:
You're absolutely right. I'm so glad you mentioned this for two reasons. One, you know, one of the things I talked about about why I had plastic surgery to begin with was it was something I felt like I could control. I have profound hearing loss, which is why I'm not wearing the headset right now. It wouldn't work with my hearing aids. Hopefully everybody can hear me okay,
Vixen Divine:
Rachel Strella:
and
Vixen Divine:
can
Rachel Strella:
it's
Vixen Divine:
hear
Rachel Strella:
all
Vixen Divine:
you fine.
Rachel Strella:
working out. But I can't control that. And anyone who has hearing loss news, you can't, there's not a whole lot you can do to ever fix that. I'm still not a candidate for anything surgical at this point, like cochlear implants. So for me, being able to have something that helped my stomach, that was just that one thing that I wanted to do where I felt like I had some sort of control. So I totally, totally get what you're saying there. But secondly, the small things that other people see and their judgments are just really interesting because now that I've put myself out there on social media, and here I am thinking my tummy's this problem, I had to tell you how many people have said to me, did you have a stroke? They're asking me this. And I'm like, what? And you know, am I asking somebody why? Well, it turns out that the scar I have, which is from a motor vehicle accident, And my jaw misalignment from breaking my jaw in the motor vehicle accident is what's making my face droop a little on the left And that's why I'm getting these comments from people because now they're starting to wonder if I had a stroke So I'm having plastic surgery on my face. So there's all these things, you know, and these judgments that we form about people So I'm with you there
Vixen Divine:
Yeah, absolutely. You just, you don't need to assume. You need to ask and you need to listen for the response. The judgments that people assume. I remember having a Facebook discussion with a gentleman and it didn't take me too many back and forth to figure this out. I said to him, I said, You've never left your hometown, have you? And his response was, why does that matter? Which tells me that's, no, he's never left his hometown. Because the perspective that you have, I always say it like this, when you have a map, you can only put on your map what you know is there. So some people's maps can be pretty blank. they don't know a lot but they may know a lot about this one little spot here you know
Rachel Strella:
Mm-hmm.
Vixen Divine:
but they assume that everybody else's map is the same but they haven't been anywhere or done anything to know how to fill up that map so the map is very small very small but they just don't know it
Rachel Strella:
You are 100% right, Vixen. I am so glad that I know you. Hey. Well, I know we're coming to the end of our first podcast. I just wanted to see if there was anything else you wanted to say about this topic.
Vixen Divine:
No, I think neutrality is something that we can achieve. We just have to know how to get there. And those little small things, like I said, self-care is something that, even if you don't like whatever it is on your body that you don't like, there's always something that, like you talk about, can control. So pick what you can control and love it.
Rachel Strella:
I have always believed that people are more like than different. And while we seem or look different, we're really not that different. And I've been an advocate for vulnerability, putting yourself out there within reason, and allowing the community to be open to hearing your story and sharing their story too. And I think that's part of the reason we started this podcast. We really just want to have a safe place for women. Well, as we think about what's next with the podcast, some of the future topics that we plan to include, well, accepting our bodies as we age and balance. I mean, from work and life and family, balance is a big topic. asserting ourselves as women and especially the aftermath of the assertion Um the spirit treatment of women at work. I've heard a lot of people that want to talk about that and we'll have some guests on the show Knowing your numbers, which is which is definitely vixen's baby there surviving major life changes And handling rejection so much more so we have so many great topics And I want to thank you guys for tuning in to light her project podcast
Vixen Divine:
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Rachel Strella:
You can follow the conversation online with our hashtag, like her project. Until next time, stay real, keep it real, whatever. Real women.
Vixen Divine:
Real talk.
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